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Thursday 12 June 2014

I'll see your Tomboy and raise you a Janegirl.

This one's definitely 'snakes and snails'.

My husband and I have brought three boys into this world.

We knew #1 was a boy, we were told #2 was a girl, and I was really, really hoping that #3 would be a pony.

We used to live in a very multicultural city and friends of mine from countries where boys were highly prized used to tell me how blessed I was with three boys. I knew I was blessed, but not for the reasons they assumed. All three births were a little... dramatic, would be a good word... and the fact that my babies had survived was probably more good than I deserved.

Recently, I have noticed a new trend.

In the past couple of years I've had a number of mothers tell me that I'm "so lucky" I'm not raising a girl.

I don't have to worry about my sons' reputations. I don't have to worry about self-esteem issues. I don't have to worry about body image issues. I don't have to worry about peer pressure. I've been told boys are easier than girls and I don't have to worry about a boy getting pregnant.

Yes, my son is unlikely to come home and confess he's pregnant, but if you've ever seen your son walking through the halls of school with his head down, arms crossed in front of his chest and unable to make eye contact with anyone, you sure as hell worry about self-esteem. I knew a boy (now a man) who never wore shorts because he was so self-conscious about his legs. I know another man who still won't remove his shirt in public because he has body image issues.

My youngest son came home from school one day and, bursting into tears, told me he was stupid. He'd finally realised that he was the only one in his class who still could not read. I explained his dyslexia to him yet again, but he remained convinced he couldn't read because he was dumb. My middle son's temper tantrums (he's 11) disrupt the entire classroom: he's highly sensitive to noisy environments and he just can't keep it together. He's teased about it by his peers.

I don't have to worry?

I'm sure girl-raising is different, but when your daughter tells you she wants to be a princess when she grows up, you think she's adorable.

When your son tells you the same thing, you hope to God he'll be safe; that he won't have the crap beaten out of him by frightened homophobes if it turns out he's gay.

I AM lucky I'm raising boys, but not for the reasons you think. We wanted children and we were able to have them. We have three beautiful, sensitive, loving young men in our lives. They will grow up to become three loving, caring and gentle men, just like their father.

And rest assured that if one of my boys comes home and tells us his girlfriend is pregnant, we'll kill him.